If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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