Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
