if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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