I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
