he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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