why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
