Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
