Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
and she was petting her beer can
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
