I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I wish there were birth control emojis
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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