If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
