loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We got so high we made milksteak
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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