Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
