I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
