i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can't turn off my feet"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
