You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's never too late to be topless.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
