I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
