you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
