so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My vagina is very pro this idea
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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