Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
