Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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