she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
