What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
