I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Randomize
