Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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