I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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