Can i not drive my cunt home
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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