i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
as a side note pls kill me
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
