Best friends brother. Beat that.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
