Betty ford says i'm here all night
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
