I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
