I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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