I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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