there's paper in my vomit.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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