i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I need to align my fucking chakras
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