yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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