dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
