Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm too high and old for this...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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