oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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