it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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