He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
