I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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