That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
