Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
