things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
