idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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