My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
