piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
