His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
