If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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