3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
