The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Oh god it's open bar.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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