A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
