can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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