I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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